'Twas the Night Before Christmas - On the Bebop
by Vegeta's Pride Spike's Smirk
Summary: This parody focuses on Spike and Faye on Christmas Eve. Please R&R!


'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ship  
  
Not a creature was stirring - besides Faye with her whip  
  
Spike was handcuffed to a pipe without care  
  
In hopes that Miss Faye soon would be there  
  
Jet was all nestled, snug in his bed  
  
While visions of naked women danced in his head  
  
And Ed in her spandex and Ed in her cap  
  
had just settled down for a long winter's nap  
  
When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter  
  
All three sprang up from bed to see what was the matter  
  
Away to the 'fridge they flew in a flash  
  
They tore open the door and found all Spike's cash  
  
Saturn's moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow  
  
Gave the lustre of freakin' people below  
  
When what to their wondering eyes should appear  
  
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.  
  
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,  
  
They knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick  
  
More rapid than eagles his courses they came,  
  
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;  
  
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!  
  
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!  
  
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!  
  
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"  
  
Because they had no desire to see two sexin' people  
  
They flew away quickly, 'near got stuck on a steeple  
  
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,  
  
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.  
  
And then, in a twinkling, they heard in the trees  
  
The sound of eight reindeer taking a pee  
  
And as they drew in their hands and were turning around  
  
Jolly old St. Nicholas crashed to the ground.  
  
He was dressed in all fur, from his head to his foot,  
  
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;  
  
A bundle of sex toys he had flung on his back  
  
And he looked like a druggie just opening his pack.  
  
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!  
  
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!  
  
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,  
  
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;  
  
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,  
  
And the smoke - it encircled his head like a wreath;  
  
He had a broad face and a little round belly  
  
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.  
  
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,  
  
And they laughed when they saw him, in spite of themselves  
  
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head  
  
Soon gave them to know they had nothing to dread;  
  
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,  
  
And filled Faye's stockings, then turned witha *JERK*...^_-  
  
He layed a finger on her like she was one of his hoes  
  
And gave her a nod, and magically *ROSE*.....^_-  
  
He *SPRANG* to his sleigh, and to Faye gave a whistle,  
  
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.  
  
But as they heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,  
  
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"  
  
But dear ol' Spike was now angry, he had a score to settle,  
  
So he booted up his Swordfish II, made of titanium metal  
  
And flew after that man with his head full of fury,  
  
And later would testify in front of a jury  
  
That he caught up to St. Nick, and gave his face a good slash  
  
And kicked him around like he was an old sack of trash  
  
And Faye, watching this still from the ground  
  
Began covering the snow on which they had messed around  
  
And Spike, whipping out his gun without thought,  
  
Killed that fat man with 7 rounds of shot  
  
He left those starving reindeer to eat Santa whole  
  
To be rid of that guy was his one driving goal  
  
He returned to his Faye, all out of breath  
  
And whispered to her, "I fought to the death;  
  
Because I love you so much, it hurts to think  
  
That that old man had fondled you, and gave you a wink."  
  
So Faye smiled and hushed him, placing her lips on his  
  
Until the Bebop crew came out - "Hey, it's none of OUR biz!"  
  
And they went back inside to return to their sleep  
  
After showering again, and brushing their teeth  
  
Back outside, our fave couple was getting undressed,  
  
And Spike had startled fondling Faye's breast  
  
But he was getting tired, as evidenced by a yawn,  
  
Until ruby lips whispered, "Let's get it on."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, I admit, I was in an odd mood. ^_^ I just thought I'd do a little Christmas poem parody, if not a short story. But anyway, how'd you like it? Please review! ^________^ 


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